HOW THE PRETORIA PRISONERS AMUSED THEMSELVES.
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A HUMOROUS PRISON MAGAZINE.
....The "National Mercury" weekly edition has produced specimens of a "Social Magazine" issued by our troops when in the house of detention in Pretoria. Lord Rosslyn acted as editor, and in the leading article explained the production of the magazine on the grounds of the absolute necessity of discovering some amusement to kill the weary hours of captivity. "The Gram," for such was the title of the magazine, would serve as an interesting memorial to remind the prisoners in their old age "how wonderfully the Transvaal authorities differentiated between criminals and prisoners of war in their treatment of us." Lord Rosslyn concludes with a pathetic adaptation of some familiar lines—
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............To be or not to be, that is the question—
............Whether 'tis nobler in this gaol to suffer
............The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
............Or to take heart, and with a pen and pencil,
............Try, by composing, end them?
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It is interesting to know that the publication was strictly kopje-right, and was issued from the No. 0, Cheapside, Chancery House, Pretoria, the printers being Morley and Toppin, of the 5th N.F. Inside the cover are sundry advertisements. Here is a specimen.
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....Krug(er) 1900. The fashionable vintage. This is a mature wine with a good deal of body. When first introduced to the public was full of gas, which, however, is fast evaporating. Unlike other champagne wines, Kruger 1900 should be sent to a warm place and kept there. In a month's time we expect to be able to sell this wine at a merely nominal price.—Roberts, Kitchener, and Co., wine merchants.
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Here is another—
MUGG'S MEAT MASTICATOR.
....An aid to those who have to eat tough meat. A simple but ingenious mechanism of steel, which when fixed to the gums causes the hardest morsels of "trek ox" to melt in the mouth. Invaluable to prisoners of war, octogenarians, and others.
....Master Tommy Snookson writes: "Me and my brother Bill wants to say as your meat masticator licks the world. Grandmother (aged 93) ain't got a tooth on 'er 'ead, and used a M. M. M., and Bill, to try it the other day, mixed up 'alf a brick in the old gal's dinner, and afore we'd finished our own grub, blow me if she 'adn't sent 'er plate round for a second 'elp."
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....Of course, the magazine reflects such poetic talent as chanced to be immured, Lovelace-like, in the prisons of Pretoria. These caged birds sing quite prettily. Thus, to his mamma, plains Mr. G. H. A. White, of the Royal Artillery:—
............Dear mother, in case you're bemoaning my lot,
................And lamenting the cruel fatality
............Which has forced me to sample this far-away spot
................And partake of Oom Paul's hospitality.
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............I'll endeavour as well as I can to relate
................How your gallant Adolphus is faring,
............After being entrapped through the harshness of fate
................Whilst out for an innocent airing.
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The poem goes on to describe conditions of prison life, and ends thus:
............And now my dear ma, it begins to get late,
................So I'll leave you to read at your leisure
............This veracious account of my life up to date,
................Which is simply a whirlpool of pleasure.
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............We trust we shall soon be at large—if we live
................Through this vortex which tries to engulf us.
............I don't fancy this couplet, but kindly forgive,
................As there's really no rhyme to
ADOLPHUS.......
The Blackburn Times, Saturday 30th June 1900
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G. H. A. White was a Lieutenant in the Royal Horse Artillery, and Harry Stanley Toppin was killed in action at the Battle of the Aisne, 13.9.1914
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